Got a toothbrush?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
