there was a trapeze. enough said
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
