I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
