Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize