Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
