He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
