I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize