Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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