thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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