ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
