Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
