Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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