Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
