I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
