dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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