she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize