I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
