No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck appropriateness.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
