He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
