honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
