I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
