Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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