I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
