next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
