So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
