I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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