two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
