so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
