I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
