True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
