so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
