so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
