I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it penis luge time yet?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
