it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
