i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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