Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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