My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
