I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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