You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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