i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
