I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
