he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
