This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
