I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
