Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
