You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
