she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
