Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Randomize
