If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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