well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
