You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize