i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
