My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
