Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
