whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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