just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
