I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
