would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
