He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
