He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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