I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
