help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
