Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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