I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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