I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
