uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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