Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
