I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
