Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
