I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
