Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
