dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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