i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize