Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
