You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
