i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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