This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
