It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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