He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize