I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
