but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
