wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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