Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
