I wish I could teleport
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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