i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
