Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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