OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
