Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
