Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
