He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize