Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
