okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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