The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
