My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
