I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Boobs speak an international language.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
