Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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