I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
