Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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