Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
