have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
