I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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