I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
