i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
two words...techno handjob
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
