My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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