it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
