i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize